I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE IS BETTER
OH MY GOD
I laughed so hard my chest started hurting!
That is just pure evil
this is so wrong help me
I am twitching.
OH COME ON NOW.
My lovely followers, please follow this blog immediately!
Here… took it into Photoshop, because… fuck that was driving me insane!
Really? Because you rolled over and took orders from Edward like a little bitch and couldn’t let go of it even when he abandoned you and was nothing more than a figment of your imagination, so… k….
Rich people, if you do not have one of these rooms, you are not spending your money correctly. You should give it to me so I can show you how it’s done!
“The mixture of toilet twinkie and cock snot in my brown mile created the delicious rectoplasm that he was so fond of. He curled a giant sewer trout on my droopies just so he could gobble it up like a pig at a trough. It was bliss having his clunger stuffed inside me again; stuffing my clearing in the woods with an egg timer just didn’t get my chamber of squelch spraying like it used to. Hours of pounding like this would leave any girl’s roast beef platter looking like a manatee in yoga pants, and I was no different! Inserting a 10 inch purple battery-operated monster into my clam-flavoured pothole got me splurging fallopian fish stock faster than greased shit off a shiny shovel.”
Hit refresh and get a whole new passage. It’s great!
I’m getting really excited for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month; a challenge to write 50,000 words of a novel in November), and just for a laugh, I thought I’d share some of the most hilariously awful bits of my novel from last year :)
The premise was that a doctor discovers that every person has another person’s name etched on their heart, and it kind of changes the world in big ways.
If everyone does did have these names on their heart, someone has to have Brad Pitt’s, and what if it’s it wasn’t not Angelina?
I just….there is nothing I can say. I can’t.
Holly heard a honk outside. A big honk. It sounded like it belonged to a boat.
It couldn’t have maybe been a LOUD honk? And do boats even honk? Don’t they, like…I don’t know, ding or something?
When he saw her, a tall, somewhat muscular guy with shaggy brown hair and a goatee opened the van’s driver side door and jumped out.
Can we say awkward wording? When I re-read this, I thought I had accidentally described her as ‘a tall, somewhat muscular guy with shaggy brown hair and a goatee’
Holly wasn’t quite sure what to say to that, so a slightly awkward silence fell over them, and it was a little awkward.
Was it awkward, do you think?
They were seated and given menus, and they both opened them and began to look through. Before she had a chance to open hers, Parker put his hand on it, holding it shut.
Parker apparently has the ability to go back in time and keep her from looking at her menu after she’s already looking at it.
She opened her eyes and saw Parker still looking at her, a hopefully look on his face.
Well, yeah, hopefully he had at least some kind of look on his face.
She jumped, and dropped the orange juice spilled on the floor.
He looked up, and when he saw her, an unrecognizable expression floated across his face for a moment. It was replaced soon thereafter, however, with a smile and an extended hand.
Great. Now my characters have hands growing from their faces. That is, when stuff isn’t floating across them. And could ‘soon thereafter, however’ be any more awkward-sounding? I somehow doubt it.
“Can you imagine?” said the heavily make-upd blonde one.
Because ‘make-upd’ is so a word.
She liked his voice. It was somehow smooth and rough at the same time, like butter with sand in it.
Oh my God. Please tell me that did not just come from my novel. I…just…there are no words.
LOL I remember her sharing these with me! I’m going to do nano again this year. But I’m going to “break the rules” and work on my existing story. I just need to push to work on it, so this is perfect.
But you ended up making it obvious. really obvious.
“What’s that over THERE?!” is our cue for, “I’m stealing your food and possibly replacing it with some of my own, now look away so I feel like a sneaky sneak!”
I can relate!